Think You Suck at Texting? You Gotta Know This!


Lemme tell you a story.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a prince who saw a beautiful princess and fell madly in love with her ….

With his great power and influence, he was even able to get her phone number.

But …

… The princess refused to meet him. She even stopped replying to his messages!

You know why?

Because he fell prey to unforgivable texting errors. All he knew was...

  • Boring ‘goodmorning’ ‘goodnight’ ‘how was your day?’ kinda texts, thinking that they were enough for her to fall in love with him. (We’re in the 21st century, whatchyu thinking?)
  • Didn't give her a reason to text him back.
  • Totally fucked his grammar up (not ‘kewl’ bro!)
  • And worst, when she didn’t reply, he would bombard her with an ‘emoji’ overdose.

Sound familiar?

Well, sadly that is the case with many princes out there.

But wait, that’s not the end…

... because then, the prince did the smartest thing he had ever done in his life.

He came to me and assigned me task of helping him get his princess back. 😉

‘Your Majesty, I got you!’

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Now I’ll show you how I helped him conquer all his texting barriers and win his princess back.

So let's begin...

#Don’t forget why you’re texting her!

The prince had forgotten why he was texting his princess in the first place.

What he didn’t know was that texting her ‘How are you?’ and ‘How was your day?’ was going to land him in a very scary place called the ‘friendzone’.

Many princes of today still make the same mistake.

If I could... I would climb a skyscraper and shout this to the top of voice for all guys to hear:

‘She needs to know that you are interested!’

And guess whose job is to tell her that...

Yours! Nobody else will do it for you.

So understand..

Asking her how she is and all those questions are fine, but you gotta walk the extra mile if want her to know that you think of her in a romantic away.

Only then there’s a chance that she’ll consider having a ‘thing’ going on for you in her head.

Here’s an amazing thing you should do which will get her ‘romance-o-meter’ high and blaring for you.

Create stories with her where you two have a romantic thing going on.

Lemme explain.

So after you’re done with the basic hi hello chitchat ...

... Text her this.

‘Hey, I’m bored. Let’s kill some time together. We’ll play a fun game!’

And don’t worry that she’ll refuse! We all love having fun and playing games. Girls included.

The game is simple. You just change each other’s names and imagine romantic scenarios where you two are doing things that usually couples do.

For example, I did this with a girl I was texting recently. Her name was Angelina.

‘You know what, Angelina. Let’s just run away from this land of boredom.

And she was like, “What?” Then I added.

‘Yeah everything is so predictable and boring these days. From now on, we’re no more Amitoj and Angelina. We’re Amy and Angel. In fact, you are Amy’s Angel now...and we’re running away to the alps and getting a little hut there.”

You see what I did there?

I assumed that we had a thing going on between us without even asking her out.

This texting trick works amazing in attracting women. You know why? There are two reasons.

First, because it gives them a subconscious idea of what being with you would be like.

And second, it tells them you’re an awesome at texting!

Remember, women are way smarter at picking up hints than us men. They know when you’re trying to flirt.

And the best part about imagining these stories with them is that they enjoy it with you.

And trust me, if the story you make is fun and interesting, your princess would jump on the romantic roller coaster with you.

Feel free to use my lines from above and add stuff to them.

You can try getting married in a vegas chapel, or tell her that she’ll have to cook chicken stew for you everyday, or make 33 kids with her…as you like.

The funnier the better.

#Get your text timings in place

Now here’s something we ignore. The 21st century princess is not all about wearing shiny dresses and tiaras…

… they are actually busy working women. They have schools to attend and offices to handle.

So the time of the day you text them becomes very important …

… and that’s what decides if you’ll get a reply or not.

I mean, come to think of it. If you’re at work or school..there’s so much going through your head anyway.

In that pressure, replying to a certain ‘Hello’ text from someone won’t be on your priority list, would it?

So the best time to text your princess should be late in the evening, after 7pm.

Because that’s when she’s finally free from her commitments during the day and is in a chill mood to have a good back and forth texting session with you!

And avoid texting her before that at any cost or chances are high that you’ll land up in the frustrating land of late and no replies.

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#Don’t mess with the grammar lords

‘Do u typ lyk dis?’

This was how our prince texted his princess, obviously because he thought using short forms was ‘kewl’ texting lingo.

Let me put this straight..

Incorrect grammar makes you sound like a dork. Don’t believe me?

Tell me, ‘If i rote dis post lyk dis..wld u still njoy readn it?’

Texting like this only tells the girl one thing;

That you need primary school grammar lessons again!

No kidding, the girl I’m with now shows me text messages of the guys from work tryin to hit on her. This is what she says about them;

‘How do these guys expect me to reply when I don’t even understand the language they are texting me in?’

It’s a fact. Some princes of today are cringeworthy texters!

Don’t underestimate how attractive correct grammar like using correct spellings and punctuations can be.

Avoid being a miser with your commas and full stops. They make a hell lot of difference.

This sounds so little to do, but it works wonders in getting your princess to go from:

‘What’s wrong with him?’ to

“I just loooove texting him.’ (Ignore her spellings here, she's just too excited for you)

# Be easy on the emojis

Question: Who can get away with sending ten kiss emojis in one text?


But when the prince does that… it’s just one big turn off! And so unmanly as well.

The same kinda unmanly you’d feel if you see a full grown man playing with a barbie doll.

Plus it makes the princess feel, ‘He’s not even making an effort to write something. Such a boring guy!

Here’s the thing. I’m not against emojis. In fact, I use them too.

But what I absolutely hate is that guys just don’t know where to draw the line.

They’ll send a two word text and an army of smiling emojis after that.

What purpose are those emojis solving for you?

Do they have any special ‘romance enhancing’ abilities that will make your princess fall for you?

I don’t think so.

Keep this in mind, use emojis only where it’s necessary.

As a thumb rule, try not to use more than one emoji in two sentences.

Any more than that and you enter the:

I’ll-just-ignore-him-and-his-stupid-emojis’ zone.

So be very careful with that!

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#The Happy Ending

So there you have it.

Our prince might have been in too deep, but he was lucky that with the right guidance and effort, he could win back his lady love.

Fast forward to today, they live together in their castle and are expecting their first quadruplets. Amen to that!

And for generations to come, their texting screenshots would be used as love bible in various kingdoms and countries.

Here’s what the couple is up to right now:

So what do you think about think about these texting mistakes? Tell us in the comments below!


Dating Coach by profession. Writer by heart. Amitoj spends his free time gobbling on chicken wings and convincing people that he's a reincarnation of Shakespeare.


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